The Queen's Impossible Boss (The Christmas Princess Swap, Book 2) Page 17

  For the first time she understood why people did such stupid things for lust. It fogged the mind and got so far beneath your skin, it made you reckless. It felt so good, you didn’t care about possible dangers or consequences or repercussions. She imagined it was like a drug.

  Jade hadn’t been an addict before. Hadn’t craved anything the way she craved physical contact with Alvaro. His touch. His kiss. His care and attention. She missed it. He’d so arrogantly teased her that she’d fall for him. But it wasn’t him, was it? Wasn’t it just his body? The way he could make her feel? A physical response?

  But it wasn’t. Because the physical frustration she could survive. The tear in her heart and in her soul?

  She liked herself more when she was with him. Being around him, she felt free to say what she wanted, without having to be polite about it. People had looked at her all her life. They’d stared—endlessly. But no one looked at her the way he looked at her. As if he really saw her—the soft, secret, most vulnerable, most human part of her. And no one had wanted to listen the way he wanted to either. She’d trusted him. And in the end, she’d trusted him with everything. She’d trusted him with her heart.

  That was when he’d let her down. But even then, when she was honest with herself, she knew he hadn’t. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t want to carry that burden. She’d been wrong even to ask him. Hadn’t she seen how terrible it was for someone to be caught here—in the palace—when the relationship wasn’t right? And it had been less than a fortnight—to be irrevocably changed by one person?

  And even if he had been—even if by just a fraction of the way she had? It made no difference to the inevitable impossibility of them. His company was everything to him as her country was everything to her. There could be no compromise. It wouldn’t be fair on either of them.

  But as it was, he’d not been changed. At the end of the day, he didn’t care for her the way she did for him.

  He had not fallen in love with her.

  Alvaro’s phone rang. He glanced at the screen and grimaced. This was one call he couldn’t decline.

  ‘Hey, Ellen.’ He braced for incoming attitude.

  ‘I’ve just seen that friend of yours on the television.’

  Yeah, he’d seen it too. Over and over. But Ellen had obviously only just caught up with it on the late-night news show.

  ‘She’s a queen, Alvaro. You didn’t tell me that.’

  ‘I know.’

  He didn’t want to talk about her. Didn’t want to think about her. But he’d been unable to do anything else for hours. Seeing her at that press conference—all regal in the palace courtyard—she’d looked so different, so distant. Monrova was a whole world away from him.

  Ellen was quiet. Yeah, they didn’t talk about the things that hurt. What was the point?

  ‘How was Christmas dinner?’ he asked heavily. ‘All those potatoes get eaten?’

  ‘Every one.’ Another long pause. ‘Alvaro?’ Ellen mumbled. ‘Are you okay?’

  She’d named him, this woman. She’d raised him. She’d protected him. She’d done the best she could, as he had for her. It sure as hell hadn’t been perfect. But after their escape, at least, it had definitely been better than okay.

  But no. He wasn’t okay now. He was angry. Jade had turned everything upside down. Jade had made him want. She’d made him wonder. And she’d made him dream.

  Distant, unattainable, impossible dreams.

  And he couldn’t even go to the lighthouse to escape any more.

  ‘I’m fine, Ellen,’ he lied. Because there was no way he could burden her with the truth. Not when she’d done everything she could for him already. This was his own agony to endure. ‘I need to go. I have a meeting I can’t miss. I’ll call you later.’ But there was one thing he suddenly realised he needed to admit—one fact she deserved to hear. And had deserved to hear for years. One thing neither of them ever admitted.

  ‘Thanks for calling.’ The words choked in his throat. ‘I love you, Ellen.’

  There was another silence. ‘I love you too.’ She sounded as rusty as he had.

  Alvaro ended the call and pressed his phone to his aching chest and figured maybe Jade would’ve been pleased.

  And maybe he could get used to saying such things.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ‘I WOULD PREFER the trinity tiara, Major Garland.’

  ‘Are you sure? Your father, the King, preferred—’

  ‘The crown of Monrova is too heavy for me on a sustained walkabout.’ She already had a slight headache; she didn’t need to make it worse. She saw the Major pause, but she spoke again before he could. ‘I’m sure you’ll agree.’

  ‘Of course, ma’am.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  Within half an hour the tiara was delivered to her suite from the Royal Jewel House. Jade sat patiently as her maid styled her hair around it. The waiting crowd was larger than usual this year. They were curious about the twin switch. There had been some criticism in the press, but she’d had a swathe of public support online as people defended her right to have a private holiday away. And everyone was entranced by Leonardo and Juno—their happiness simply radiated all the way here from Severene. They were the perfect fairy tale.

  But today marked the end of Jade’s holiday period and her royal obligations resumed, beginning with the New Year’s Day message and a brief walkabout just beyond the palace gates. It was the first chance her people had to see her since that media conference of a couple of days ago.

  When it was time, Jade took a minute to calmly breathe before stepping out beyond the palace wall and into the small arena in the centre of her city. Immediately the crowds cheered. Their sonic wall of warmth lifted her spirits. She squared her shoulders and her smile came naturally—more openly with the more people she greeted. Finally, she settled in.

  ‘Thank you for coming out in this cold.’ She spoke softly to well-wishers while her assistant gathered their offered bouquets.

  ‘Lovely to have you back, Queen Jade.’

  ‘It’s lovely to be home.’ She beamed, appreciating how true her response was.

  She was here, doing what she’d been born to do. And she would do it her way. She walked along the barrier that had specially been erected, taking the time to talk to as many people as she could.

  Towards the end of her time a prickle of awareness skated over her skin. Turning, she scanned the crowd, having the oddest sensation of being watched.

  Duh. Of course, you’re being watched.

  But it felt as if Alvaro’s gaze were upon her. That electrified sizzle swept over her skin. But he was so tall, he’d literally stand above most others and she’d spot him—wouldn’t she—if he were here?

  No. That was the stuff of films and fantasies—pure wishful thinking. He was on the other side of the world, working on his strategic plans, all alone in his lighthouse. Right where he wanted to be. So she smiled again and, with a final wave, allowed her security team to sweep her back inside.

  She swiftly returned to her private apartment. Later this afternoon she’d arrange a meeting to reorganise her schedule. She’d felt briefly invigorated from that interaction with the public, and she wanted more of it. But right now, she was eager to get out of her dress and tiara and have a moment to breathe again.

  She didn’t get it. Her phone rang a bare three seconds after she’d dismissed her maid and closed the door. It was her own mobile phone—she’d had Juno’s one couriered back to her, not wanting to stare at it in the hope Alvaro might call. And it was her twin ringing now.

  ‘Juno?’ Jade answered briskly. ‘Is everything okay?’

  ‘Why must you think something’s wrong every time I phone?’ Juno joked. ‘But in truth, I have just been in touch with palace security.’

  ‘Oh? Why?’

  ‘You need to go to the Rose Room
now,’ Juno said.

  ‘Why?’ Jade hated the Rose Room.

  ‘I haven’t time to explain, but trust me, Jade. Go there now.’

  Her sister ended the call before Jade could ask anything more.

  She didn’t want to go. She hadn’t even had the chance to get changed. Feeling a little sorry for herself, she hoped it wasn’t Juno’s idea of something fun. She wanted to curl in a ball, cuddle a hot-water bottle and hide.

  Step. Up. You’re the freaking Queen of Monrova.

  Alvaro Byrne had to admit, he was intimidated as hell. And damn if he didn’t feel sorry for Jade right now. The palace was stunning but definitely designed to awe and humble the average person and this room was the worst. It looked like something from a movie set in medieval times—a throne on a dais, dust motes hanging in the gloom, despite those magnificent stained-glass windows. All it needed was an executioner in a suit of armour waiting with his axe...or maybe that was just how Alvaro was feeling on the inside. As if he were about to beg for mercy—plead for his life, from the most powerful person he’d encountered. And that wasn’t anything to do with her crown.

  He’d been unable to admit it—not for days and least of all to himself. He’d thought he was invincible—that he had everything he wanted and needed and was happy enough. But the happiness he’d felt in those few days with her?

  Whole. Other. Level.

  He’d tried to blame it on euphoria—on an ephemeral spell of sex and hormones.

  Bull. Shit.

  The soul-destroying gap in his heart—in his life—as she’d walked out, taking away the one thing he’d wanted most of all before he’d even registered how desperately he needed and wanted and, yes, loved her.

  Today he’d watched her on her walkabout from across the road, leaning against the corner of a building at a safe, unrecognisable distance. The crowds had been huge and had rushed that flimsy-looking fence when she’d appeared. But they’d been respectful. She’d taken her time—shared smiles and said how delighted and excited she was for her sister. Easily sidestepping questions about what she’d done in Manhattan during her switch. She’d managed to avoid any mention of him and he’d convinced his staff to say nothing about ‘PJ’ to the press. To his pleasure, they’d all agreed. And he knew it wasn’t to please him, it was to support her. In such a short time she’d earned their respect and loyalty—and yes, their sense of protectiveness.

  He’d got the same vibe from the throngs gathered here. Watching her on the walkabout, he’d decided it was because of the quiet kindness that was somehow so obvious, despite her restrained, almost demure appearance. She’d looked beautiful in a long-sleeved, pretty-patterned winter gown in green, a short cape keeping her shoulders warm. She’d had no problems in high-heeled boots on those old cobblestones. Her hair was half up, half down, intricately entwined somehow in that gleaming diamond tiara with its trio of emeralds. She couldn’t have looked more picture-perfect regal—graceful and elegant, dignified and remote. Yet those eyes of hers had been so filled with emotion. She was, he knew, so very human.

  He also knew he wasn’t worthy of her. But he couldn’t stay away. He couldn’t stop himself from being selfish. Only she’d say he wasn’t, she’d say he deserved it—happiness. Well, so did she.

  The double doors suddenly swung inward, two liveried footmen attending each. Alvaro braced. Nothing like a dramatic opening. He stood where he was, in the centre of that vast room, as the Queen of Monrova walked in.

  The doors sealed shut behind her. The quiet thud of their closure reverberated around the room. The Queen stopped just inside the room and stared at him.

  She didn’t smile, instead she turned paler and paler.

  ‘Jade—’ He broke off as she flinched.

  Every muscle chilled and he couldn’t move. But she visibly pulled herself together.

  ‘Alvaro.’

  Hearing his name on her lips jump-started his brain.

  ‘Getting into this palace is a challenge,’ he said. ‘I tried to phone you. I got Juno instead. But she was helpful.’

  ‘Why are you here?’

  He half smiled; she had a good brain. But sometimes, even good brains couldn’t figure out the blindingly obvious right away—especially when there was fear involved. He knew that one personally. Fear stopped normal function. Fear made people freeze. And she’d frozen right now—just as he had. But he was breathing again. And he could win this. Yet suddenly another emotion rose in him—and it wasn’t the one it ought to have been. It was anger.

  ‘You think it’s okay to tell someone you love them and then just walk away? Walk out with no intention of ever returning? Ever getting in touch again? Of leaving for life?’

  Jade’s heart thundered at his sudden flare. She was still grasping the fact that he was here—that somehow her inner radar had got it right. And he’d come to...yell at her? Absurdly, that didn’t upset her, because she was suddenly too furious herself.

  ‘I thought that’s what you wanted,’ she snapped back at him.

  ‘You didn’t give me a second to know what I wanted.’

  ‘You didn’t know already?’

  The banked heat in his gaze exploded. ‘You didn’t even try to fight. For the last few days...’ He dragged in a breath, visibly trying to calm down. ‘I’ve been so angry. Too furious to think straight. But then the fury died and I was left in hell.’ He shook his head and slowed himself down. ‘It was only then that I began to think.’

  Jade stared at him, her own fury evaporating as swiftly as it had risen.

  ‘And I realised you did fight. Just by telling me how you felt about...’ He trailed off, his expression softening. ‘That was you fighting. Speaking up? That’s big for anyone, and huge for you. But I said nothing. I’m sorry, Jade. I was so stunned—not just by what you said, but by you. And I was so scared I couldn’t think. Even when, yes, I knew the answer already. It terrified me.’

  Her chest tightened under strain, as if her ribs were shrinking or her heart were getting bigger.

  ‘Do you know, it’s so damn hard to get anywhere near you? You say I’m isolated—some people might think this is a prison.’

  ‘It’s my home,’ she said, fierce pride enveloping her. ‘It’s not a prison to me.’

  ‘No.’ He nodded. ‘I watched you today, and this is where you belong. You shine everywhere, Jade. But most of all, here.’ He stepped closer. ‘And it’s why you left me, isn’t it? Because you thought there was no way this could work out.’

  Her poor heart broke all over again. Because that was true.

  ‘But you can’t give something like that only to then take it away again.’ He actually waggled his finger at her.

  ‘I wanted to leave it with you. I wanted you to treasure it.’

  ‘So you didn’t mean it?’

  She drew breath to stave off the sharp stab of pain. He took advantage of the second to step closer still, only he was smiling.

  ‘Do you think you could give me a second chance, Jade?’

  Of course. Always.

  But her only response was to tremble.

  ‘The problem is,’ he explained quietly, ‘that memory isn’t enough for me. I want more. I want to wake up with you every morning and to go to bed with you every night. I want to have as many moments of as many days together as we can. I don’t want us to be apart, Jade. You know why.’ He finally reached her, finally put his hands on her waist, grounding her here in reality to hear him. ‘Because I love you.’

  All she could do was blink, trying to clear the blurring tears so she could see properly...because she was trying to believe?

  His lips twisted. ‘It’s hard to trust, isn’t it?’ He lifted his hand to touch her hair. ‘Hard to believe that someone might accept you, want you, love you...just for you, just as you are. That even if you have nothing, were no one, even if you didn�
��t do the things expected of you...that you would still be loved. I didn’t just find it hard to believe that someone could feel that for me, it was impossible. That’s my problem. Believing. Trusting. Even though it’s the thing I want more than anything else in the world, from the person I want more in the world. I’m sorry I let you go. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry you ran so quickly before I could think. But I’ve done nothing except think since. And do you know what I’ve realised?’

  Impossibly overwhelmed, she shook her head.

  ‘Wanting love. Wanting fun, friendship, laughter and, of course, fantastic sex...all those things shouldn’t be out of the ordinary for anyone. It shouldn’t just be a “treat day” thing. And we shouldn’t have to feel excessively grateful for getting something we all should have. We all deserve.’ His hands tightened on her waist—energy passing through his skin to her. ‘It’s too close to feeling guilty, Jade. As if we don’t deserve it in some way. As if we should feel grateful for crumbs... I want the whole damn cake. Why shouldn’t any of us get a cake? Jade, you should have a cake. So should I.’ He lifted one hand and cupped her face with his big strong palm. ‘I love you. Every beautiful thing about you. What do you say, sweetheart?’ He brushed away her tear with his thumb. ‘Say something. Anything.’

  ‘I love you too.’

  His smile was slow and still nervous and so heartfelt. ‘I was really hoping you’d say that.’

  The skim of his lips over hers was like a gossamer graze. The gentlest gift—not tentative, but as if he too were still slightly wary of believing this was real. Like a swimmer dipping only a toe in the water rather than diving straight in, in case the depth was deceptive. She kissed him back as softly—it was so rare, this connection. And then the emotion overwhelmed her so much she shuddered—she’d missed him so much. And then his arms were tight and his mouth hungry and the kiss was everything—all the passion absolving all the absence and her heart soared.

  He released her suddenly, breathless and hoarse. ‘I have something for you.’