Walk on the Wild Side Read online

  He watched her unlock her door. He could see the acceleration of her breathing, the faint colour deepening in her cheeks and he felt his own response deepen—horrific in its intensity. For weeks now all he’d been able to think about was the heat of her on that mad day by the beach. The sweetness, the wildness, the total sexiness.

  It was a nightmare distraction. He needed his focus back—because his training was a mess. But it was an attitude problem, not his knee. He had to clear his head and to do that he needed to get Kelsi out of it. Never had a woman interfered with his goals before. Never had he allowed another person to influence his schedule the way Kelsi had. Not that she knew it—or was going to know it. No, this was all about him getting rid of the fantasy for good because he was furious with himself for being this pathetic. He had not got as far as he had by letting personal needs or wants get in the way of competition prep—he wasn’t going to derail now. That gold medal was going to be his.

  He just hoped this would do it. He’d see her again and realise it hadn’t been that spectacular—that memory had somehow magnified how amazing they’d been together.

  But now he was here and now it was worse—all he wanted was to have her again, to know her, to make her laugh. She was every bit as cute as he remembered, every bit as crazy, every bit as breathtaking. She had the towering platform shoes on again that were probably killing her toes with narrowness and still he was burning up worse than a meteor in the atmosphere.

  But he forced the rampaging lust down, needing to check her reaction some more. She was reserved and not looking him in the eyes and keeping her distance. A new thing for him.

  Still, what had he expected? He hadn’t, of course—he’d been indulging in the wicked side of fantasy, not the realistic. To buy time he stared around her little flat. There was a lot to take in—it was completely crammed with stuff. Books were a main feature, all lined up along a wall. He skimmed the spines. Many he’d read but he didn’t keep them as she did. He passed them on, left them somewhere. But Kelsi was definitely a ‘keeper’ kind of person. Every inch of her apartment was filled—reflecting eclectic tastes and a very busy mind. There was enough confusion to cause a headache. The walls closed in on him—he didn’t keep ‘things’, he liked to travel so he could move fast and free.

  He blinked at the visual cacophony, but slowly began to see some order in the chaos. Things weren’t tossed wherever, they were placed. And there was also the completely crazy. Like the Lilliputian-sized curling staircase in one corner of the lounge leading up to—the wall. Painted on the wall was not a doorway, as you’d expect, but a Japanese fan spread open.

  ‘Why?’ He pointed at it and looked at her.

  She glanced at the mini-stairs. ‘Why not?’

  OK, he grinned. He should have known. And, oh, man, her coolness was a temptation. He turned away from her, needing to get distracted again, else he’d just haul her to him caveman style and he really wanted to know he could be more controlled than a caveman. And her lack of super-obvious signals maybe meant she had some regrets. He hoped not—all he regretted was that he’d left. He should have taken her to his hotel until he’d blown her from his system completely.

  So now he stopped by the wall where there was a giant picture frame hanging. A huge gilt number—it would be the focal point if he were sitting on the sofa. But it was empty—not even a blank canvas inside it, just the bare white wall. ‘Tell me about this.’

  ‘Watch.’ She flicked a switch and an image suddenly appeared in the frame.

  He looked up—clamped to the ceiling was an old slide projector. He looked back to the frame and watched as she clicked through a series of slides—mostly modern paintings. Frankly weird ones.

  ‘You studied art,’ he said.

  ‘Art history, yes.’

  ‘But you did some yourself?’

  She frowned. ‘Not formally, no. But I like to play around.’ She clicked through another couple of eyesore slides.

  ‘You don’t have any landscapes?’ he couldn’t help asking.

  ‘What, like mountain scenes?’

  ‘Yeah.’ He grinned.

  ‘No,’ she said flatly and put the remote down.

  He chuckled and wandered around the room. On the table was a single flower—some big, beautiful bloom that looked delicate, as if the petals would fall if you so much as brushed it. Yet she’d put it in an antique glass bottle that had a worn ‘poison’ sticker on it. He grinned at the juxtaposition. He looked again at the stairway to nowhere, the paintings, the vases, the collection of kitsch knickknacks overflowing on one shelf while the shelf beside that one was completely bare. ‘You have a lot of weird things.’

  ‘Things that don’t readily make sense,’ she agreed. ‘It’s a way of freeing up my imagination. To encourage creativity.’

  OK—by having a collection of plastic animals walking up the wall? He lifted his brow at the rhino that had a miniature bottle opener hanging from its horn.

  ‘Mystery is always present,’ she said softly. ‘That’s the point.’

  He looked at her. Yeah, the mystery was right in front of him. Adrenaline rushed, the precursor to fight, to drive for success. In that instant he wanted her more than he wanted his next breath.

  Jack was staring at her. Just staring. Making her feel so self-conscious and so hot it was a wonder her skin wasn’t curling and crisping like bacon under a grill.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked before thinking.

  ‘I’m deciding whether you’re real or whether this is jet lag causing a hallucination.’

  Jet lag? Had he only just got back from Canada?

  ‘How are you going to find out?’ She could barely breathe.

  He smiled lazily and she blinked in the face of its brilliance. Oh, he was so smooth, wasn’t he? She couldn’t be felled again by just a look like that.

  She leaned forward—dangerously close. ‘I’m an illusion,’ she whispered. ‘Not real at all.’ He chuckled.

  ‘How was your trip?’ She stepped back and busied her hands by going into the kitchen and getting cups from the shelf. ‘Did the training go OK?’

  ‘Not as good as it could have.’ He followed her, leaning against the door frame.

  ‘No?’

  His grimace said it all. ‘My knee is going to take a little longer than we first thought. I’m back for more physio. No point getting frustrated by being surrounded by snow and doing something stupid.’

  ‘Oh.’ She’d thought he’d handled the stairs no problem and was moving as lithe as a panther. But it must still bother him on those death-defying jumps.

  ‘What about you—you’re OK?’ He moved to where she was by the bench. Mind-blowingly, pheromone-dizzying close.

  She stared at the seam of his shirt and reminded herself to breathe again. She had to keep it light. Didn’t want him to know how much he affected her—that was just embarrassing. The guy was a pro—but in sport and sex. And she was just another in that long line. So she had to get them laughing again as if none of this had ever mattered.

  ‘Actually, no,’ she said firmly. ‘Life’s not been the same since I last saw you.’

  He stilled. ‘It hasn’t?’

  ‘No,’ she said sombrely. ‘Thanks to you I’m scarred for life.’ With a theatrical flourish, she pointed to her nose. ‘I got three new freckles.’

  ‘Freckles,’ he said blankly. ‘You got freckles.’

  ‘Three.’ She nodded. ‘From the sun.’

  He snorted and leaned back on the bench, his smile crocodile wide.

  She grinned back. ‘You obviously aren’t aware of how serious this is.’

  He laughed—too long, too infectiously. Then he suddenly sobered, half groaning and rubbing his chest with the heel of his hand. ‘Hell, for a moment there I thought you were going to tell me something far worse.’

  ‘What could be worse?’ she asked mock-incredulously.

  ‘That there might have been some long-term consequences from that
day.’

  ‘Freckles are long term,’ she said. ‘You can’t get rid of them. At all. Believe me, I’ve tried.’

  ‘But kids have much more of an impact.’ He shook his head and laughed again. ‘I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant.’

  Pregnant?

  Kelsi laughed, too—giggled like a silly schoolgirl.

  But as their amusement filled her ears her brain ticked over slowly. Her giggle went into cardiac arrest. ‘Kelsi?’

  She shook her head and turned away from him slightly as she tried to think harder. Pregnant. No. She’d had a period—hadn’t she?

  ‘It’s been a month, Kelsi. Shouldn’t you know by now?’

  She should if she’d been paying attention to anything like that. But she’d been working even crazier hours than usual because of an account she’d won. Because she’d been trying to distract herself so much.

  So she really hadn’t been thinking about her cycle or anything. Hell, she hadn’t even had the time to dye her hair again, which was why she was going for the assortment of hats at the moment.

  ‘Kelsi?’

  Stupid, irrelevant thoughts tumbled over and over in her head. When had her last period been? But all she came up with was an empty feeling. A blankness that just couldn’t be good.

  ‘I used a condom.’ Clearly he was thinking the same thing.

  ‘Yes.’ Her voice cracked. ‘You checked it after, right?’

  He stared at her but wasn’t really seeing her. She knew he, too, was thinking back on those cataclysmic moments when they’d been in the water. Waist deep, they’d rolled and swapped positions again and again and pushed it every which way.

  His face became more rigid as the seconds dragged. ‘I swam after. I just scrunched it up and put it in my pocket to get rid of later.’

  So he hadn’t checked—it could have shredded. Neither of them knew for sure. And, given the sustained action the thing had endured, it probably had.

  Oh, no.

  ‘Come on,’ He said suddenly, taking her hand in a tight grip and next thing he was walking her out of the flat, down the path, dragging her behind him like one of those wooden pull-along toys.

  He went to the driver’s side of her car. ‘Keys.’

  ‘I thought you believed in walking,’ she said sarcastically, needing to get a bite in.

  ‘Right now I really feel like running.’

  Ha ha.

  She got in the car and gripped her hands tight together, pressing them to her chest. ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘The supermarket.’

  She looked blankly at him.

  ‘To get a pregnancy test.’

  Supermarkets stocked pregnancy tests? And he knew this how?

  ‘They have everything. If they don’t we’ll try the pharmacy.’

  But the supermarket did have pregnancy tests—next to the lubricant and the ribbed condoms.

  ‘I can’t do this.’ She dropped her gaze down to the plasters—brightly coloured ones with cartoon characters on them. She looked to another shelf—kids’ toothpaste, kids’ shampoo, kids’ talc. Everywhere she looked there were kid things. Only a little farther along were nappies—nappies!

  No, no, no and no again.

  Jack didn’t answer, just reached up and grabbed two boxes—different brands. Then he took her by the arm again and stalked to another aisle, picked up a bottle of juice.

  ‘I prefer apple,’ she said, just to retain some element of control.

  ‘There must be a bathroom somewhere round here.’ He looked around the building.

  ‘I am not doing this in a public loo.’ She shook her head, appalled. ‘I’m going home.’

  He frowned but nodded. ‘I’m coming with you.’

  She saw the look in his eyes and decided not to argue. She went ahead so she wouldn’t have to see the checkout operator’s eyebrows lift when she scanned those few specific items.

  He got in the car and handed her the bottle. She held it in a death grip but she couldn’t drink. She didn’t want to move—not even an inch, not ever again. The bottle was taken from her and he took a gulp from it. She’d laugh if she wasn’t so scared. He was on her heels as she walked up the path to her building. She could feel his breath on her shoulder as she unlocked the door. But when he walked with her up to the bathroom door she drew the line.

  ‘I’m having privacy for this.’

  ‘Of course. I’ll be right here.’ He handed her the plastic shopping bag, then took up position leaning against the wall right outside.

  This just couldn’t be happening. Just couldn’t.

  She’d never done a pregnancy test in her life, but it wasn’t as if it was hard. Hideous, yes, as her stomach swirled with sickened nerves. She held the little stick thing in front of her and watched as she waited to see if her life really was ruined. She’d opened the most expensive one first, hoping it meant greatest accuracy, but all it meant was that it was the one that flashed the result in a bright neon light—pregnant!

  As if it were the best news in all the world.

  For some women it would be. For some women it would be the result they’d been praying for after months of trying or treatment. But for Kelsi?

  She slumped. An unplanned pregnancy was bad enough. But from a one-night stand? Not even a relationship? They had no basis, nothing to try to make the best of, nothing between them but animal, sexual attraction—that was as everyday to him as breathing. And utterly overwhelming for her.

  Wincing, she closed her eyes. But still she saw the light flashing with that single, life-changing word.

  It had to be wrong. Had to be.

  She ripped open the second box.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  JACK banged on the door, never so impatient in all his life. ‘Kelsi? Are you okay? Open up.’

  Silence. Just as there’d been silence for the last ten interminable minutes.

  ‘If you don’t open up now I’m breaking the door.’

  It wouldn’t take much. He seemed to have more adrenaline running in him than he’d had even on the most difficult jumps. He made himself uncurl his fingers from the fists they’d bunched into and tried to relax. Half a second later he banged again.

  There was a muffled reply. Not good.

  The door opened and he saw her face.

  Definitely not good. Definitely really, really bad.

  ‘Don’t worry.’ He didn’t know who he was trying to reassure more—her or him. ‘It’s going to be OK.’

  Oh, hell, it wasn’t. She walked past him, handed him the thing that had ‘pregnant’ flashing on the tip—two of them plus two that had the two blue lines. He’d seen enough movies to know what they all meant; he didn’t need the damn flashing neon signs.

  Was this why he hadn’t been able to get her out of his head these past weeks? Was there such a thing as male intuition?

  No. It was pure lust. All day, all night she was all he could think about, until he could fight it no more and he’d had to come and deal with it. He’d actually blown off his training and come back to finish what they’d started. That was nightmare enough, now it had turned into a full-on horror film.

  His brain fast-tracked down another nightmare route. Had she known? She’d been cool when she first saw him—had she known she was pregnant but was never going to tell him? Would she ever have told him?

  He stared at her. Of course she hadn’t known. No one could fake this kind of shocked reaction. But would she have told him once she found out? The question burned deep and he didn’t like it.

  ‘We can deal with this,’ he said into the silence, still trying to reassure someone—anyone.

  She said nothing. Just looked stricken.

  Problem solving. He could do that. He just had to figure out a plan. But he wasn’t thinking much at all at the moment other than—pregnant.

  And then came the panic. The sheer, freezing panic as he thought about a baby and its birth and then about his own awful arrival into the worl
d.

  ‘It is mine, right?’ his mouth blabbed before his brain could stop it.

  She went rigid. ‘Right.’

  Big mistake. But he had to be sure—because there were things she had to know. But not now—she was upset enough already. She didn’t need more to terrify her. Oh, hell, no.

  ‘I take full responsibility,’ he said urgently. ‘I was the one who—’

  ‘I said yes,’ she interrupted fiercely. ‘I don’t blame you.’

  Silence. Long, long silence. But doubts whispered inside and he, who usually had such formidable mental strength, now could not resist them. ‘Can I ask you something?’

  She shrugged. ‘Sure.’

  ‘If I hadn’t come here tonight, would you have contacted me when you found out? Would I ever have known I’m going to be a father?’

  Kelsi didn’t think the evening could have got worse. But it just had. ‘We don’t know each other very well, do we?’ she said bleakly. ‘Of course I would have.’

  She turned away from him and walked to the window. What a mess. But this was one she had to get control of really quickly. And freeing Jack was right up there on her priority list. Because he was a Jack-the-lad all the way. He lived for adrenaline and extreme sports and travelling the globe year round and he needed it like that. He wasn’t up for this, and she wasn’t up for him being trapped and resentful. Or for her having her self-respect decimated as her mum’s had been. Kelsi didn’t want someone who played so fast and loose wandering in and out of her life. Or her child’s. She didn’t want her baby disappointed every time its daddy didn’t turn up. And on top of that, his questioning if the baby was his hurt—he might play like that, she didn’t.

  She flung back her head. ‘You know what? I’m not ashamed about what we did on the beach. I’m not going to be ever. I enjoyed it—you already know that. But it’s irrelevant. This is going to take some time to get used to.’ She swallowed. ‘I just want to think and decide what to do.’ She wanted him to go away and leave her free to do just that.